Sunday, May 9, 2010

What if....

The other day I was reading someones Facebook post. It went something like this: Why is it you have to renew your driver's license and fishing license, but not your marriage license? I want to give you some background info on this person. She is getting married May 15, it's a second marriage, has one child-a girl that has finished college and lives on her own, never really been on her own. Okay enough info. I just wanted to say that post really made me think.

I think that everyone knows, and a lot of people feel the same way, marriages are not perfect. We all have our times when we ask what if? what if we hadn't got married? what if I hadn't married this person? what if I had finished (fill in the blank) before getting married? I could go on and on with what ifs, but really have you thought of it, what if you had to renew your marriage license? Would you renew or would you go in a different direction with your life?

I told Bigblock about this person's post on Facebook, and my reply, which was "People wouldn't renew their license LOL". He said that he would renew the license. I said I wouldn't. I know, that probably hurt his feelings, and that was not my intent at all. However, I have been thinking about this for probably the last two weeks.

Just think, what if you had to renew your marriage license every year? or every two years? or maybe five, or ten? Would you renew, and what are your reasons?

When I was raising Thing 1 and 2 I would have renewed. This is probably not a popular reason, but I felt that my boys needed both parents. I was raised in a broken home, and didn't want the same for my children. Sometimes I think the reason for the high divorce rate is because the parties don't put the children as the priority. The husband/wife just know they're not happy, and so leave. I would NEVER say to anyone to stay in an abusive relationship, if however you're just not happy with your life choice, think about the children first! Now that Thing 1 and 2 are grown, it is so much easier to say, No I wouldn't renew. However I have my reasons for staying. Among them are that I still care for Bigblock, but I don't love him like I used to or even probably like he deserves. I have life goals that are easier to accomplish, and at the same time, harder to accomplish staying here.

Now, it's YOUR turn! What if you had to renew your marriage license? Would you or not, and what is your rationale? Talk to me...........






P.s Happy Mothers Day

14 comments:

Charlene said...

When I was married [married 21 years; he is deceased] I would renew. I am glad however, that I did not marry Roger after I was widowed. In fact, I am glad I am not married and although I'm 18+ years into this widowhood, I believe there are much worse things than being alone. I'm alone, but not lonely.

Nakia Stewart said...

Well, yes I would renew my license because my fiance and I love each other and we respect one another, too. We have been together for almost 4 years and loving every minute of it. Some people that we come across are jealous of us but that's okay too. I'm getting married in July so I'm looking forward til that day. Oh, I'm new to your blog so why do u call your husband Bigblock and kids things? Just wondering, it's funny!

Shoeshop said...

There are times when I wish I was single and jealous of my single friends. I have been married for 36 years and some days I think I really love him and other days when he forgets that I work full time too I wish he would just leave.

DSigma1922 said...

I'm not married, but I thought your blog post was very interesting. I have been in a relationship for 6 years (he is much older than I and has been married before so marriage for us is not something we are looking into). The first year was very open...was I coming or going...did it matter...but by year two I was hooked and had fallen in love. *smile* Year three was good, but 4 and 5 were hell! We cared for each other, but the love seemed to fade.
Towards the end of year 5, I was ready to walk away, especially with the medical issues I was facing. He seemed very distant and cold, and my heart couldn't handle it. A week before my first procedure, I left him a very nice msg., sharing my thoughts, fears, and needs, and I also left the ball in his court. (I didn't know if I was going to wake up from surgery so I had nothing to lose.) A week after surgery,he showed up. It was slow to warm at first but now we are feeling like us again.
If I were married, I would renew. I believe every relationship is work and sometimes things get ugly, making you want to run away and not look back, but when I think of our history and what brought us together...I know would renew!

cahanbury said...

I think this is why you don't have to renew your marriage license. Let's face it, you can have long periods of bad times. Marriage is HARD. It's like a secret nobody tells. There have been days I have had to decide to love my husband. I have not always liked him. I am so thankful that being married makes it hard to break up! I know I would've "not renewed" during our bumpy times. What a mistake that would've been. Like anything else in life that is worth doing, it's work, but wonderfully rewarding.

Eva Looshtion said...

Wow, way to get my gears a'grinding! Well I've been with my husband for - 7 years together, 3 1/2 married. We've done everything in the ut-most sense of "un-traditional" when it comes to making a life together. I made a vow to God, my husband, our daughter, our friends & family to make this work through ups & downs. Even though there are days I doubt what I've gotten myself into...deep in my heart I know he's always got my back & he picked me first just the way I said yes. That's honorable in my eyes. I think yes I'd renew in good & bad cause as stated before it's work. It always will be & because as humans we strive for success.

Yours Truly said...

Happy mother's day :-)
I've only been married for 1+ yr so I would renew. But that defeats the purpose of marriage, doesn't it? When you get married, you intend to stay together forever. I think the problem is that they should stop calling it a marriage LICENSE. It's really marriage registration. That's the purpose, to register & keep track. Not really to license anyone. Now we've got ppl asking why you don't need classes before getting a marriage license, why don't you have to renew a marriage license, etc... :-)

Robynn's Ravings said...

Well, I'm staring year 24 in the face and I can tell you unequivocally I would renew. We have gone down some rough paths where I wouldn't have said that but am I EVER glad that we hung in through the horrid times. I feel like we finally paid our dues and get to enjoy full membership!

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Barrie said...

You know how you read stuff saying that widowed/divorced men remarry much more quickly than women in the same situation? And that women often don't remarry. I wonder if it's true of renewal. Maybe men would renew more quickly than women?

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Midlife Mama said...

Great post. Guess you already know my answer, since I chose to leave my marriage. My life is so much more peaceful now, but did I give up too easily? ....

....

No... definitely not. I tried for nearly six years and he just wouldn't listen. Now that he's finally listening, it's too little too late and I am already emotionally disconnected from him and the relationship. I think the only reason they make people get marriage licenses is to make money, and to prove legal marriage. I dunno. Food for thought, definitely. Renewing would make it too easy for people to leave, and too easy for people to go into marriage thinking "if this doesn't work, I just won't renew."

Although divorce is so prevalent that people still go into marriage with that attitude.

TAG said...

Very interesting question.

As a soon to be divorced man, the answer for me seems pretty obvious.

Still the question is more complex than one might see at first sight. Will give it some thought. Might even steal the topic for my blog. (Of course I always try to give credit when stealing a good idea.)

TAG

NurseHeather said...

I just read your post, My marriage has been tough, I married a man much older than me I am 31 and love to be affectionate, on the other hand he does not. We have been married for 3 years together for 4 1/2 years. The first year of marriage was good! The second year terrible. He is totally different than me, I sometimes wonder if I should stay in this marriage, I don't love him like I used to, I think I do care for him, but my kids adore him and call him daddy. So this is hard. I would not renew my license if we had that choice, but I did make vows before GOD and I stand by those vows, so I will stay married for better or worse. And things are at the worse, but the last few months getting slowly better.

HDN