Saturday, May 23, 2009

Armed and Dangerous

Bigblock is out of town. Guess what happens EVERY time Bigblock is not available? I either have car trouble, household problems, or when Thing 1 and 2 were little there was always a medical emergency! What is the problem this time you ask?

Last night, or really this morning about 1 a.m., I am sitting on the couch relaxing and surfing the web. When all of a sudden I hear a loud noise coming from the sliding door in the dining room. I freeze. What is it? I'm thinking is it Thing 2 out there trying to scare me? Is someone trying to break in? That would be stupid, because they can see the lights still on and see me from the door. I don't have my phone because Thing 2 likes to think it's his property and took it to the neighbor's with him. So, I get off the couch and notice that the sliding door is not shut all the way and the lock is not engaged. I scramble to slam the door shut and push the lock home. When I look outside and see..........a damn RACCOON on the SIDE of the house. We live in a log sided home. That sucker is right below a flood light (I thought they didn't like lights!) and just inches from the door. And he just freezes and looks at me too. Oh shit, so I start banging on the glass door and tell him to shoo! He retreats off the deck. Ok, now I can breathe, breathe Wunderwoman...

Now I'm scared to go to the neighbors to get Thing 2 because we have a large yard and it's not well lit. So I'm freaking out. Where the hells the gun? Why does Bigblock have to hide it from me? Why did I never get anyone to show me how to fire a darn gun? I wait and calm down, then I race over to the neighbors and scare the beejeeses out of them! Ha! Thing 2 and neighbor boy come and check the house and surrounding yard out for me, coon is gone. Whew! But I've got my phone back! So I call Bigblock, yes it's almost 2 a.m. now but I don't care. He doesn't answer. Probably knows it's bad if I'm calling at that time. I leave a message! Call me back, where is the gun? Why did you have to take this stupid trip now??? I finally go to bed a little after 2 and sleep surprisingly well. go figure.

This morning I call my Brother #3 (Remember I have 4) and tell him, you have to teach me to shoot a gun! He agrees and off I go. I'm gonna need practice! In the meantime I have talked to Bigblock and I know where the gun is and will be ready tonight. Oh, and Thing 2 will be control of the weapon, because I really, really need practice. LOL

Now, I want to inform everyone that I did do research and it is legal to exterminate raccoons if they are doing damage. They will rip off shingles to get into your attic!! However, I also read that they hate the smell of ammonia, so I will also put some rags soaked in an ammonia solution out there tonight. But, if that doesn't take care of it, who wants coon stew? Please say a prayer for me and the coon!


Anonymous said...

Heehee, that reads like a page from my life.
I will remember that amonia tip ;)

Funny Girl Goes Blog said...

You are too funny.

The Girl Next Door said...

Oh I wish I knew about amonia - when we lived in Michigan they used to torment me nightly! and we had no guns...

Smart Mouth Broad said...

My mother used to keep a bb gun(pistol) by the door and she would shoot the squirrels away from her bird feeders. Don't worry about the squirrels, she was a terrible shot but it did scare them away. Until next time.

Midlife Mama said...

Yikes.... scary LOL Probably scared the raccoon more than you.

Debra said...

I have the same problem. EVERY time hubby goes out of town something happens. Here is my list of what has happened on his trips:

Son breaks toes at daycare.

Son gets in first fight at school, and gets suspended.

Son gets sick with the flu.

Son got a consussion in football practice, off the the emergency room.

We got hurricane winds IN OHIO and no electricity for two days!

There have been other things on other trips, but these are the few that come to my mind at the moment.