Just Dropping in to Say HELLO

I can't believe I have neglected this place for so long! I finished my 1st semester in the Registered Nurse program, whew!! It's been cold here, oh how I would love to move to a warmer climate.

How is life treating you? I have another question for you (I'm sure you're thinking when doesn't she have a question for us HA!) Ok, here it is: what blogs inspire you? Who do you love to visit? There are so many for me, I wish we could all live just down the block from each other and visit.

I have to start getting ready for work, but I will be checking in on ya'll soon!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

I am NAKED

....or rather, my blog is naked. I saw the signs..you know the ones, that say this design is going to disappear. Well, I didn't pay attention...no time...hoped it wouldn't disappear after all...no such luck. So, I have to work tonight, but maybe this weekend I can find something I like. Maybe redesign the whole thing.

Anyways, I've missed you all.

I will leave you with a funny tale...Bigblock and I were garage selling and it started to pour rain. We were stopped at an intersection and saw a young lady run up to a truck and jump in the passenger side. Shortly, a young man came along pushing a small infant in a stroller. So he grabs the baby out of the stroller and jumps into the truck. About now I'm thinking he will hand the baby off to the Mom, and he will get out into the rain and store the stroller in the back of the truck. You know where this is going don't you?

Well he doesn't get out, but the young woman does, and collapses the stroller and stores it in the back of the truck. In amazement I state, "They're everywhere" to which BIgblock says, "What do you mean?" Oops, now how to backtrack?

I don't remember exactly what I said, probably "oh look, it's our turn to go" or something along those lines. How do you get out of these situations?

If it didn't seem funny to you, well I guess you had to be there. Oh, and why oh why, when you tell a man (and I'm sure men go through the same thing)EXACTLY where you want to go to, that they take you everywhere but where you said?

Have a great day! Hope you're managing to stay cool wherever you are!

Memorial Day

Tonight I went to the graveyard. My parents are in different cemeteries. I decided to go tonight, because I have to work all this weekend. Life of a nurse. Also, I went because Bigblock had not been overly nice. He wasn’t mean, just not nice, and I have not been feeling well so decided now is a good time to go. It really doesn’t matter if you’re 10 or 110, but when someone hurts your feelings or is just not mindful of your feelings you just want your Momma. I cannot tell you how often I’ve wanted my Momma in the last 21-years since she’s been gone.

I don’t know about you, but every time, even now, when I go to the cemetery I shed a few tears. Not for what is as much as what could have/should have been. I did not have a close mother-daughter relationship with my Mom, and an even more distant father-daughter relationship. I believe I’ve told you how my parents were divorced when I was a young girl, and my Mom left before I was an adult. It’s pretty pitiful, but as I was at my Moms’ grave, and yes I do talk to her, even though I know she’s not there, I am telling her “Mom look at me, I am driving a brand new car, and I have become a nurse, aren’t you proud of me?”. Even after my children are grown and I should be more secure in my life I find that I am still searching for approval from my Momma. Why is this?

Bigblock doesn’t do this. Although he did have a better relationship with his parents. Maybe it’s because he always knew he was loved. My parents were never ones to tell their children they loved them. Comparing our families I would have to say that mine might have been a little better off. We were not rich by any means, remember after the divorce it was Mom with eight children, but we never slept in old c ars because there was not enough room in the house, but we might have been 3 to a room! Ha! His parents were married throughout their lives whereas mine didn’t stay together though. I don’t want to belittle the struggles they had, but there must have been something there that my family lacked, because his family members do not appear to have the insecurities that mine do.

Enough of that, but as I drove through the cemetery I noticed all the tombstones, and this made me think of all the other people who also are missing should have been moments. For instance, the baby that didn’t live after being born. The young boy that should have become a young man, the mother and father that didn’t live to see their children march at graduation or walk down the aisle to become someone’s bride/husband, the grandmother or grandfather that didn’t live to see future generations. It really is sad, and I think this is the reason I cried, not only for myself, but for others should have been moments. Let’s face it, no one lives forever, but then again, some die way too soon.

A good thing came of my little jaunt tonight. Every time I have been to my Mom’s gravesite the grounds have been well cared for. Tonight I found out why. A young Amish lady, and yes I live right smack dab in the middle of Amish territory, was there with two of her children. Two little girls. One that was less than a year old, and one that was probably 5 or 6 years old. I’m sure that wherever you live there are people that you live by, but are not overly fond of. Now don’t get me wrong I am never discourteous to the Amish, but I did attend school with them, and let’s just say they are not the friendliest people. They stay within their own group, and most of my Amish classmates believed themselves better than the “English” as we were called. What a wake-up tonight. There was no reason this young mother should have there tending to the cemetery. I don’t believe any Amish are buried there, because they usually have their own cemeteries. I found it sad too that when she saw me stopping she felt the need to have the older child go to the younger one, but that is the life we live in now. No one feels safe anymore. Anyways I asked her about tending the graves, and she said “Yes, we’ve done it for several years, and always around Memorial Day”. Of course, I profusely thanked her. I wanted to give her a small gesture of my appreciation, but could not think of anything. Money is so impersonal, but what do you offer someone that lives so simply? However, I do know where she lives, and intend to do some good deed for her. Do you have any ideas? Please give me some insight.

I apologize for the long post, but when I write something I tend to do it like I’m talking to a best friend. That’s just the way I feel about all of you. I want to wish you all a Happy Memorial Day Holiday, be safe, and let your loved ones know how much they mean to you!

What if....

The other day I was reading someones Facebook post. It went something like this: Why is it you have to renew your driver's license and fishing license, but not your marriage license? I want to give you some background info on this person. She is getting married May 15, it's a second marriage, has one child-a girl that has finished college and lives on her own, never really been on her own. Okay enough info. I just wanted to say that post really made me think.

I think that everyone knows, and a lot of people feel the same way, marriages are not perfect. We all have our times when we ask what if? what if we hadn't got married? what if I hadn't married this person? what if I had finished (fill in the blank) before getting married? I could go on and on with what ifs, but really have you thought of it, what if you had to renew your marriage license? Would you renew or would you go in a different direction with your life?

I told Bigblock about this person's post on Facebook, and my reply, which was "People wouldn't renew their license LOL". He said that he would renew the license. I said I wouldn't. I know, that probably hurt his feelings, and that was not my intent at all. However, I have been thinking about this for probably the last two weeks.

Just think, what if you had to renew your marriage license every year? or every two years? or maybe five, or ten? Would you renew, and what are your reasons?

When I was raising Thing 1 and 2 I would have renewed. This is probably not a popular reason, but I felt that my boys needed both parents. I was raised in a broken home, and didn't want the same for my children. Sometimes I think the reason for the high divorce rate is because the parties don't put the children as the priority. The husband/wife just know they're not happy, and so leave. I would NEVER say to anyone to stay in an abusive relationship, if however you're just not happy with your life choice, think about the children first! Now that Thing 1 and 2 are grown, it is so much easier to say, No I wouldn't renew. However I have my reasons for staying. Among them are that I still care for Bigblock, but I don't love him like I used to or even probably like he deserves. I have life goals that are easier to accomplish, and at the same time, harder to accomplish staying here.

Now, it's YOUR turn! What if you had to renew your marriage license? Would you or not, and what is your rationale? Talk to me...........






P.s Happy Mothers Day

Today...

has been an interesting day. I've often felt like crying, and for no reason. I think stress from life/school/children is getting to me. For anyone who doesn't know, I have a full time job, another job where I get called as needed, and am going to school part-time.

Bigblock doesn't help around the house, as a matter of fact I was mad at him for most of last week because on top of everything else I was also taking the garbage out! He works 8 hours a day, and the rest of his day consists of laying at the end of the bed watching TV and napping! Aaarrrgggghhhh So now he takes out the garbage but nothing else, oh wait, he does do his own work clothes laundry, and goes to the store once a week with me. (Big help, right?)

Thing 1 and Thing 2 are worrying me now for various reasons that I really don't want to go into right now....soon, I hope.

Also, do you ever have days when you're just tired? I don't mean physically tired, but just tired of the whole business of life? It seems like some people push this ole world around, and some people are only along for the ride. I'M TIRED OF PUSHING!! I realize that I have a good life, and there are others who have it so much worse than I do. I don't know about you, but life doesn't seem to get any easier. Life is NOT fair, I realized this a long time ago. I have faith in my God, and try to be a bigger person than the one who abuses the system. But, that doesn't mean sometimes I'm not just at the end of my rope. I'm still holding on though!

Ok, off my soapbox. I've been thinking about the years when I was growing up, and I've got some stories to tell you, but not tonight. You'll just have to come back again and see if I've posted them yet HaHa!!

Thankfully the weather is turning nice, can't wait for the sunshine and warm temps! Now, how are YOU doing? What's happening in YOUR life? I really want to get to know you too. Leave me a comment and tell me something about yourself, or just ask me a question, any question. (do you see her shamelessly begging for comments, Ha)
Goodnight all,





P.S. Thanks everyone for asking I have been sleeping fine, and thankfully no more bad dreams. I do occasionally think about my nightmare, but less often and hopefully I have it in better perspective and realize it was just a bad, bad dream.

I Had a Dream.....

Before I get started, I wanted to recognize all my followers. I never expected to really have anyone reading my ramblings, but apparently there are a few that do....so THANK YOU! Make yourself at home...

Now for my title...I went to bed last night about 11 p.m. I've been feeling pretty good about things lately, we are getting more sunshine, the birds are singing in the morning when I walk out, temps are ever so slowly inching up, so nothing really bothering me. Anyways I woke up at 2 a.m., and for the life of me I could not lay there any longer. I had a HORRIBLE dream, well probably best to call a spade a spade, it was a nightmare!!! I recognized some of the people in this awful dream, others I did not. I was in a place I know I've never been before. It almost felt like I knew what was going to happen even before it occurred. But still as the dream unfolded I was horrified! I usually don't experience these things often. Most mornings I wake up, and never remember dreaming at all. However, this one has stayed with me all day. I am unsettled to say the least. I realize that it was just a bad dream, and will more than likely never come to pass, oh how I pray!

Have you ever experienced something like this just so awful, and you just can't put it out of your mind. I know I am probably not making alot of sense, but I am really unsettled by it, and I dread going to sleep tonight. Please leave me your thoughts. Do you think that we have premonition of things to come in dreams so that when they do happen, that we are more able to handle them? Or is it just something that happens with no rhyme or reason?

My Mom

I don't even know what brought theses thoughts to mind today. Maybe just my absent minded thinking about my schedule, and feeling a little sorry for myself. But whatever, I think it is worth putting into words.

My Mom. She worked hard in a factory, on her feet for long hours through the day. Probably did not make close to what I make an hour. Divorced around 1970. Here's the kicker though.....she already had EIGHT children and in November of 1970 would have another mouth to be responsible for. Five girls and four boys. We never were on welfare, but did get free lunches at school. As hard as it was for us, the children, to survive during those terrible times I wonder what was going through her mind? I cannot imagine being alone (or at times having a boyfriend that was so worthless as to let this woman take care of him along with all the children she already had)! Many times my Mom went to work and only had chocolate milk to drink, and that was ALL she had until she returned back home, and sometimes there wasn't much at home either. I don't believe she ever owned a new car. And, it must have seemed useless to buy new things, because with eight rowdy children how do you keep nice things nice? Oh, and after my Mom and Dad were granted a divorce one brother did go to live with Dad, and would come home from school at the age of 16 and find that Dad had moved without him! Another child to cram into a 14 x 70 feet wide mobile home with only 3 bedrooms and one bathroom. But there were no bad words to come out of her mouth, she just kept putting one foot in front of the other. What must have went through her mind when her ex-husband was supposed to only pay $25.00 a week support for EIGHT children, and rarely paid?

I don't ever remember her saying bad words about anyone. She never complained. One day she just left all her responsibilities behind. How tired of life she must have been to abandon her family? I remember feeling lost, and so afraid. My younger brothers and sister would not live with her again, but would be raised by an older sister. All nine of her children have her work ethic. All nine of her children are strong individuals. But, I wonder what could have been accomplished if someone had just put a little effort in praising and encouraging us? No one ever told any myself or my siblings that we could accomplish great things. It was left to us to pull our self up by our bootstraps or to fail. We pulled ourselves up, and we have accomplished more than anyone ever thought we would!

This has really put my life into perspective for me today. I have a good life. I've had the new car, house, and so forth. When I want to say "enough", I can't take anymore I think about Mom. She must have been thinking that everyday of her life. For many years I didn't understand some of the choices she made. Only when I became a parent too, did I finally get a little glimpse of what she went through. But, sometimes I still have to wonder how could she have left her children, so young and vulnerable? I guess I'll never know. But, it's left me with the fear that I'll always be abandoned by the ones that I love.....

My Mom died in 1989. Fought cancer, but there was no victory for her, only pain. How cruel, that she had a pain filled life and died in pain. Really gets my goat that two of her sisters that never accomplished anything, never worked a day in their life, still breath. Where is the fairness in that?

So today, I want to say "Thank you, Mom". You made me the strong woman I am today. I will always love you Mom. I miss you, and would give anything to be able to talk to you again, and give you a hug, and tell you I'm sorry for not appreciating you when you were alive. I pray that we are together again......

Randomness

Woohoo! Just ONE more day of school and this semester is over.....now maybe I can take a deep breath and relax. Work is still going alright.....they sure don't prepare you for real life in school, though. LOL

It has been cold and gloomy here. How is your weather? I have only got at most three presents bought for Christmas,.....I better get on the ball or the grandkids will not be happy with Wundermama.

Ok, now on to a little more serious conversation. The other day, Tuesday, when I had to go to work and it was so cold and gloomy, the only thing I could think about was getting in my NEW car (yes, I got a new car and I love it)!, anyways I just wanted to throw my computer, shoes, purses, and don't forget, clothes in the car and just drive till I found some sunshine and warmer temps. Hey, I am making sure to take the important stuff with me. Every girl needs her purses, shoes, and computer, and alright a few clothes! haha Wouldn't that be an awesome experience? Just driving till you found some place to settle, and no one knows you? Sounds pretty good to me at the moment! One day I won't be able to stop the impulse and will probably do just that.....but not today. *sigh*

How are YOU doing? Have you got all your Christmas shopping done? I want to take this moment to wish you all a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS....let's not forget the reason for the season. Tootle loo till next time.

Yes, I'm still alive.....I think

I am still here (if anyone cares) ha!
I am working, I got my first paycheck last week, and I was sooooo happy to see it. It's been over TWO years since I got a paycheck that I actually earned! Unemployment is not earned (at least in my mind for me), and it's really no fun fighting for it either:)
Still going to school too, with no end in sight for at least another year or so.
Bigblock hit an 8-point buck last week with his truck. He's not hurt, but the same can't be said for his truck. Over $5,000 damage, thank goodness for insurance!

So, how is your week/month/day going? I'd love to hear from anyone.
Anyone still out there?

Please

Update: I've heard that Sara passed away, but her family still needs our prayers!




Please pray for Sara and her family!

Thank you

Scared Silly

Hello everyone out there in bloggy land. How is your week going?

So, what's the title about? Well, today I went and took my NCLEX-PN exam. I don't feel like I did so well...and I am the kind to worry if there's nothing to worry about....really need to get that under control! Now I wait...and wait...and wait, for the results. And, I want to add..if I passed then I owe it all to GOD, because I've really been bothering HIM lately. Please, if you have a mind to..would you please say a prayer for me too? I'll let you know the results when I get them.

I'm off to bed, all this worrying is tiring!


UPDATE:

I PASSED!!! Thanks for your prayers and Thank you GOD!!

I Found You...

Now don't get scared, I'm not a crazed stalker or anything. But, today while on KellysKorner I found someone that lives in the next town to me. How cool is that?

I have been incredibly busy lately. Like who hasn't right? But I still get around and see what everyone is up to these days. I hope to have more time to blog by the end of the month. I just love hearing about and meeting new friends over the net.

We are getting cooler temps during the day here. Autumn is my favorite time of the year, though technically it's not here yet it feels like it. Didn't seem like we had much of a Summer though, did it? Oh well, maybe we won't have much of a winter either (keeps fingers crossed)!

Have a great and SAFE holiday weekend!

Volunteering

Today I volunteered at the community hospital, it's been a year since they moved into their new digs. I had a BALL! Yes, it was fast-paced, and yes I am so tired that it hurts to think, but it was a very rewarding day.

Next week I start volunteering at a county health office. It is free to people of that community that lack insurance. The patients can receive their medications and office visits totally free. They also have a dentist that comes in for cleanings and extractions. Considering the financial status many people are in today, this is a great service for the community.

The last few years I have wanted to find places to volunteer my services, and I think the good feeling I get from assisting others is just what I need at this time in my life. If you have volunteered please share your experiences I would love to hear your opinions.

Garage Sales

I am writing this as I relax on my couch...My sis (the oldest) and I had a garage sale yesterday and today....it was a town wide sale...probably less than 1000 people in my little town...it kicked our arse....garage sales are WORK!!! Started each day around 7 a.m. and didn't end till about 5 p.m., so a total of approximately 10 hours EACH day...raked in a total of $28.00 the first day....even less the second....everyone wants you to give them your stuff....and guess what? I did give it away the second day....from now on, I am GOING to the sales NOT having them!!Ha

I am loving this weather we're having lately...so nice and warm with nary a cloud in the sky...ah Summertime, where have you been?

ATT and a break

Today I am cleaning out my closet for a garage sale tomorrow....I like going to them not having them, but when stuff is pouring out of your closet....it's time!

I have been out of school for almost exactly 2 weeks now. Monday I paid the fees to be able to sit for my NCLEX-PN exam. I got the Authorization To Test today....I'm panicking again today. I have been studying, but it doesn't seem like I learned enough in school. Talked to a friend...she feels the same way...what the heck?

So what is going on in your world today? I hope you're having a great summer even though we really haven't had the weather for it.

This is a recording...

Message left on my phone:

Uhhh, hello... mamaw..this is Boy C, I know you're not home, but can you come pick me up tomorrow? This is a recording. It's Boy C. Well I'll see you tomorrow mamaw. I love you...

Gotta love the little stinker! LOL

I'n NOT gonna do it......

Thing 2 bought a stereo a while back. Wants to sell it now. For not even HALF what he paid for it. What does he want to buy? A piston or some such nonsense for a four-wheeler. So what's my problem with that? He wants ME to buy the piston off ebay for him with MY credit card.

Ummm, no, not gonna happen!! As you know I have been going to school. I receive unemployment while I go to school as long as I have good grades and actually go every day. I know, sweet!! But, thing is, unemployment is always messed up. This time I haven't been paid in 3 weeks!! So, no, not gonna do it.....

Live with it Thing 2, Oh and by the way, GET A JOB!!!!

Love,

Wundermama

A Day Just Like Another....

Today on my way to school I was looking at the clouds and sky and thought to myself how pretty it is and how I am enjoying the nice (hot) weather.

I remember having these same thoughts on another morning, but I was going to work. It was August 4,1989. The most important woman in the world to me died that day. My Mom. I thought about stopping and seeing her, it was right on the way. I didn't. I was taking half the day off to spend with her. Got the call at work, too late. I will regret not stopping for the rest of my life.

Have you heard the news? Farrah Fawcett died. Like her or not, she was a very important woman of her time. I can remember wanting to grow up and be like her. And who didn't want that hair? I watched the TV special that was on recently about her and I really hoped that she would beat the cancer. It just wasn't to be. My prayers go out to her son, Redmond. I hope that he gets his life on track again. He will never have the love like he had from Farrah. Nothing can replace a Mother's love.

So long Angel............

It's Not Her Job

Talking to Boy C (youngest grandchild) this weekend about school and I asked him how he liked his teacher. Replied that she is "okay, but she yells alot". "Why does she yell?" Boy C then replied, "because I'm doing something I shouldn't". Well okay, Wundermamaw then replies, "So she's trying to make you a better person. You shouldn't get upset, because she's trying to help you avoid trouble later on". "But it's Not Her Job", Boy C says (more like yells)!! Ok then, on to something else, cause I'm never going to win this one!

Hope you're having/had a great weekend. Guess what? We finally have summer type weather here! I am in my glory;)

Quizzes and Quilts, Oh My....

Just wanted to let everyone know that no one has been killed at my house. I have just been incredibly busy with school. Although, it is still not going great here. Lots of things I need to think about, and maybe some tough decisions to make.

In other news, it has been cold here! Today it has rained all day and the temp sits at 64 degrees Brrrr....would someone please tell the weatherman or whoever, that it is indeed June and it's time to start acting like it!! I had to put the quilt back on the bed the other night, that is just NOT right!

Ok, that's all I've got for tonight. How is the weather where you are? Please if you have a mind to pray for me....that I reach decisions that are satisfying...I'm not really comfortable putting alot of personal stuff on here, but I could use all the help I can get right now:)